*blows dust off this blog*

Not sure if anyone still stops in here but I've relocated to a Wordpress blog. Follow me over, if you wish!

My random-all-sorts-of-stuff-that-goes-on-in-my-life blog:
www.jessicamacho.wordpress.com

Ryan and my "Scenes of Soil and Swell" adventure blog:
www.soilandswell.wordpress.com

My CrossFit/nutrition/fitness blog:
www.crossfitjess.wordpress.com

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So I might be a little behind with my blogging. Life is a lot busier these days... especially when you throw sunshine into the mix.

But, I wanted to write about a fantastic little package Ryan and I got in the mail last month from my Mom. She's the sweetest. Every Valentine's Day, Mom sends me (and Ryan) a nice little care package and this year it was from Williams Sonoma. YEE!

"WHAT'S IN THE PACKAGE??!" (I don't know why my doggy insists on being all up in everyone's business. If she's not in the middle of everything, she's not happy.)

Cute, little "Happy Valentine's Day!" note from Mom:

And in the package was a calzone mold and some pizza crust mix!

... and this cute, little... cookie cutter thingy?

I was really surprised that the calzone mix consisted of natural ingredients, whole wheat flour (UNbleached), with no HFCS or partially hydrogenated oils, and without sugar being a top 3 ingredient. Other than a higher proportion of carb grams to protein grams, this mix was a WIN! (And this is coming from someone that is usually picky about foods that come out of boxes.)

So, naturally, Ryan and I declared a "Make Your Own Calzone Day." These make-your-own-dinner nights are the ultimate best because Ryan, who can eat almost anything he wants in obnoxious quantities without ever losing his 6-pack (lucky him, me notsomuch) can indulge in Italian sausage smothered with cheese and pizza sauce calzone. And I can have my spinach and mushroom with reduced-fat feta calzone without feeling guilty.

We mixed the dough and hit the gym for an hour while the dough rose. I tried extra hard to work up a sweat so I could justify all the carbs I was about to consume, but I'm pretty sure all I could think about was melted cheeeese and spinach. Then we... kneaded (???) the dough. I think? It was more like I gave the dough a massage:


We prepped lots of vegetables. Cooking is just so much more enjoyable for me when I have a RAINBOW of vegetables:

My favorite part:

And, for the first time EVER, we purchased artisan cheese. Well, we *think* it was artisan cheese because we bought it from the specialty section of the deli and it cost significantly more than shredded Kraft cheese. Truth be told, we got Fontina cheese only because the package said it "melts beautifully." And, yes, it DID melt beautifully all while tasting delicious:

Ryan surprised me with his dough hand-tossing skills.

Then it was stuff, stuff, stuff, fold, and press. Voila!


I think our calzone would've looked better if we would've coated the top with a layer of butter so it would brown nicely in the oven, but it tasted soo good even without the added grease.

Thanks, Mom (and Dad)!!!

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Nice to see her yoga classes are finally starting to pay off.

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I WANT MY ABS BACK AND I WANT THEM BACK NOW.

NOW.

RIGHT NOW.

I knew I was gaining weight since moving to Philadelphia and ever since winter slapped me across my face. But, i didn't realize just HOW MUCH I've gained. I almost died last night when I stepped on the scale and it read 120.0 lbs. I could not believe it. I kept stepping on the scale thinking something was wrong... I think that's called Denial? And before I get written off as overreacting or having some psycho body dysmorphia, let me show you what I'm USED to.

I may never have had a 6-pack but I am atleast used to putting on some workout shorts and not having it squeeze me. I'm used to being 108-110 lbs and not having lovehandles... Holy %$!# did I just admit to gaining 10-12 pounds?!

I'm used to having some TRICEPS that showed and veins that popped out...

It took me awhile to build some deltoids but last year I finally got some... and it was something I could definitely get used to...

I was never confident in bathing suit but I got used to atleast being CONTENT in one...

I'm used to fitting into my spandex workout pants and I'm used to having some QUADS...

And I wasn't just born with any of that... I busted my arse off to look "fit." I'm used to working hard to get results that I can be content with. I'm used to riding a HEAVY beach cruiser 3 miles to the gym, hopping on the treadmill for 20 minutes, doing the XFit warmup followed by a solid hour of strength training, and then riding my bike 3 miles back home.

The "worst winter in the history of Philadelphia" has definitely hampered my efforts and I.AM.SICK.OF.IT. I won't ride my bike on ice covered roads... that's just unsafe. People here jog with SKI MASKS covering their faces. When it snows, the roads are closed until it can get plowed so good luck driving to the gym. And before I knew it, I'm 120 pounds and wondering if I should see a therapist for mild depression.

I don't have the self esteem to deal with this.

But, I'm at a new gym now. This morning I walked to it at 5am while it was snowing... and I almost slipped on some ice on the sidewalk but I made it! So now I have absolutely NO EXCUSE.

My new goal is to get MY body back and build some self esteem. The good news is that I still have my muscle but my decrease in cardio has added some body fat. So, Phase 1 will be to just drop weight to a more manageable number. More specifically, I will get down to 114lbs... by March 1st. Ambitious, I know. Phase 2, I will assess where I need to build some muscle. Phase 3, I will cut my body fat down to around 17%.

But goals are never reached without a solid gameplan. So here is my game plan for Phase 1:
- Extreme calorie deficit... around 1200 calories/day

- I'll be counting calories using FitDay.com

- No breads, no pasta, no processed sugars. No Free Food Fridays. Just vegetables, fruit, and meat/protein.

- I will be doing 2 cardio sessions a day. 1 session in the morning followed by Crossfit. The second cardio session in the afternoon/evening.

- I will be using a fat loss stack coupled with a diuretic to suppress my appetite, curb my sugar cravings, shed water weight, and also to give me the necessary energy to carry out 2 cardio sessions on a calorie deficit. I have reservations about doing this but I really need my self esteem back and if this helps, then so be it.

- I ordered a digital bodyfat caliper to track my progress in Phase 1 and Phase 3. This is going to suck.

- Today I'm boxing up any clothes I don't fit perfectly. In 2 weeks I'll try them back on to see which ones I've EARNED back.

So, that's my plan. I'll check back in with myself in 2 weeks for measurements and weigh ins. I wish I could feel good about myself no matter what I look like but that's just not the case right now. Eventually, I'll see a therapist for help with my body issues but at this moment, the only therapy I'm willing to entertain is gym therapy.

Feel free to hold me accountable.

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I read in this puppy-rearing book that it is ill-advised to play tug-of-war with your puppy because when the pup wins a match, it will feel dominant. Add up a few wins for the pup and soon you'll be calling up the Dog Whisperer for intervention. But neither Ryan nor I are the types to back down from a challenge, so when Rogue requests a match we humor her. Sometimes we're holding on to the rope for a solid 10 minutes. Her strong underbite gives her an advantage but we counter with some opposable thumbs.

So one day Ryan and Rogue get involved in a tug-of-war match and Rogue just REFUSES to let up. Ryan, tired of the game but not willing to just let go of the rope, pulls Rogue extremely close, turns around, squats way down, and FARTS ON HER FACE. (Let me point out that there is a huge difference between a toot and an all out fart.)

And just like that, I am not even kidding you, Rogue released her hold on the rope and took a few steps back. And, in typical macho Man fashion, Ryan raised both arms victoriously in the air and exclaimed, "I WON! I WON!" He might have even jumped up and down as well.

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